I want to start with a story… I had been married for about 10+ years when my husband decided to talk to someone outside our marriage. I found out because of my gut feeling and intuition. When I did I was angry and hurt but to me if after that long of being together one of us stepped out it meant that there was a need that wasn’t getting met. So of course I let him know how I felt about it but I didn’t take his choice personally. Meaning I knew his chose to step out was not anything bad about me. I took it as meaning that there was something in our relationship that needed to be looked at and either worked through or we needed to move on from each other. Again, I did not see it as meaning anything about me as a person.
We talked about it and he let me know he had a need that wasn’t being met. From that I decided that I could fulfill that need for him, I would just have to work on it. So, we agreed to stay together and work on it. I EASILY forgave him and moved on with the understanding that he cannot step out again otherwise that would be it for me and “us”. This was a promise I made to myself – I will not accept a man cheating on me.
Some time had passed and again I had that feeling so I checked his phone & there it was – her number. This time I was furious! I was so mad I couldn’t control myself. I was yelling and screaming and all the things. We eventually talked it out and said we’d move forward together. BUT this time I did not forgive. I stayed angry and untrusting for like another year.
It wasn’t until one day on the phone with my mom, I was complaining about my mistrust and yada yada yada, that my mom stopped me. She said “I thought you forgave him so why are you still mad.” I don’t know why or how her words caught me right then but it did. Right then I chose to not be angry any more.
THE JUICE:
What I later realized is that the first time I was able to easily forgive the transgression because I did not take it personally and I trusted in my decision.
The second time I held on to my anger because I took it personally, but not only that, the bigger reason was that I did not keep the promise I had made to myself – that if it happened again I would end the relationship. I had actually let myself down. I was actually angry at myself for choosing to stay.
Here is where the forgiving part came in the second time… I forgave myself. I forgave myself for choosing to stay. I let myself be okay with my decision.
Forgiving is about forgiving yourself for the choice(s) you’ve made. Accepting that you did the best you could do in that moment, with what you had and knew. It’s about trusting yourself and the decisions you make going forward with similar situations.
Journal Prompt: What do you need to forgive yourself for? How will your life change when you do?
I appreciate you being here. I hope you heal and forgive yourself for whatever may need to be forgiven. Sending you blessings always.