What To Do About Self Improvement Overload

Is there a point when you need to stop trying to improve yourself? YES.

We can get caught up in thinking there is something “wrong” with ourselves. This can be good if you use it as a catalyst to heal mental and emotional wounds. But when we begin to think we need to be “fixed” in order to be more “perfect” or like this person or that person, then we are just setting ourselves up for a living HELL.

The intention on Self Improvement is to live more peaceful, joyful, (fill in the blank for the type of life you desire) and if all of the stuff we’re doing is actually causing us stress, overwhelm, or worse about ourselves then is it really worth it? Or are we missing the whole point?

Don’t get me wrong, there is a point in many people’s journey that you are actually going to feel like your life is falling a part, believe me I’ve been there, and it can be super dark. But I believe the difference is that when you’re in that dark season of your journey that there is still something inside that is pulling you in the direction to keep expanding. However, when your self improvement becomes a stress in your life and feels like just another thing on your to-do list then that’s when it’s time to re-evaluate.

Danielle LaPorte posed this question in her book White Hot Truth, which was like an inner Earth quake inside my body when I read it – Is everything you’re doing to be well and liberated really helping you to be well and liberated? Because if liberation is a chore, then you aren’t really free, are you?

Take that in.

Is everything you’re doing to be well and liberated really helping you to be well and liberated?

What is on your self-help laundry list that is really helping you to feel the way you want to feel? And what is causing self-loathing, more dissatisfaction, or stress?

We can start off with “good intentions”, thinking doing this or that will give us that feeling and life we are desiring, but sometimes we’ve told ourselves so many times that “doing … is healthy and will make everything better”, that we believe it.

A belief is a story that we’ve told ourselves over and over – it doesn’t mean it’s true. We have to learn to assess and re-evaluate what really works for us individually.

Perfect example is myself and my hubby. I’m a fairly healthy 43 year old woman, no major health issues, and only eat twice a day (one smaller meal & one large meal depending on what time I eat for the first time and what we have going on that day, I may only eat one large meal for the whole day).

My hubby on the other hand I feel is fairly healthy 45 year old male with diabetes, and eats several times a day (I can’t even count).

The point is, he has to eat several times a day because of his sugar levels. Sometimes he’ll ask me if I want lunch and I tell him no, and sometimes he’ll try to say he’s going to wait until I have lunch too but I have to remind him not to do that- his body is different than mine. I can go 6-8 hours without eating but he can’t. If he waits that long before eating he starts getting light headed and may pass out. We’ve all heard that you should eat so many times a day, but that’s not true for me. When I eat too many times, I feel like my body is using too much of my own energy and it actually makes it so I can’t properly focus and do the things I want to do.

Grab Your Journal!

Take some time with this one, over the next week or so, notice all of the ways you’re trying to heal, improve, or better yourself. Jot it all down without being judgmental or criticizing yourself. This is just an inventory at this point.

Make a specific list of everything that you’re practicing, participating in, paying for, and attending.

After making your list, draw a heart next to everything that feels nourishing, put an “X” next to anything that feels heavy or oppressive, and put a “?” next to anything that is up for debate.

Next get into your heart space. Determine which practices and regimens you will continue and may be even deepen your devotion to, which still need some reflection and assessment, and which ones you can let go of completely.

I hope you’ve found this exercise helpful. And if you want to go deeper consider working with me 1:1. Click Here to read more about the guidance I provide and to schedule a free consultation.