Why are you the way you are with your money? Do you carry the same financial habits as your parents? Or are your money habits and the way you are with your money totally different than your parents? Why does this even matter?
When we grow up we end up being just like our parents (or care givers) or we choose to go in a total opposite direction (I’ll never be like them!). But either way, we are conditioned by them.
It’s crazy to think about the history of how our families were with money…
I know my great- grandparents lived and began a family during the Great Depression. When my grandmother was a young girl, she was sold to a family that couldn’t have children. Those parents took good care of her but to make a living they sold porn out of a small shed in the back. During another time they sold moonshine, but because they lived in a small country town in Missouri, they were able to stave off some of the harder times that other people went through during that time (maybe this is where I get my entrepreneurial inclinations from???)
My grandmother married my grandfather when she was 18 (if I remember correctly). Both of my grandparents worked very hard for as long as they could. My grandfather had a stroke when I was small so I don’t remember much of how he was before his stroke, but after his stroke my grandmother took care of all of the finances. It seemed like she really liked to shop and I don’t remember her ever being worried about money (I think I may have picked up her shopping habits, lol).
My mother was born in 1958. She started working as soon as she could (I think she was around 13-14). Although my mother worked hard for a long time, one thing I remember her always saying was “we can’t because we don’t have any money” even though we literally had money all over our house! (Uh, maybe another habit I picked up along the way???)
Just I said earlier, we are conditioned by the people around us whether we know it or not.
I personally struggled with my finances for a long time, but when I really started looking at every aspect of my money story, I also had to look at my (family) history- Why am I like this with my finances? This isn’t what my mom told me about money. What examples did I have?
When I started questioning and understanding why I was the way I was with my finances, I really began changing my money foundations.
Whether it was our parents, our schooling, or a friend that we happened to learn from, this is not about blaming anyone for our money issues (I mean we could but it’s not going to change anything…).
So today I want to share some of those questions with you so that you can begin to look at your own family money story and change what needs to be changed and keep the ideas that are working for you. With this exercise you are only trying to bring awareness to what you were taught about money.
Grab Your Journal!!!
Reflect on some of the things that were said, or how your family acted in your home about money while growing up. Not all of your answers have to be “negative”. In fact, write out both good and bad stories. Don’t think too much, just write out what comes to mind.
- What were some of the habits your parents had when they got paid?
- How did they treat their money, was it just thrown in a drawer or counted and folded neatly?
- What did the conversations about money sound like (what was being said)?
- Did you notice any contradictions in words versus behavior?
- What was the typical response from your parents when you asked them to buy you something? How did their response make you feel?
There is so much to be learned about ourselves when we truly take the time to reflect on how we may have been influenced by the people in our lives (or their lack of participation in our lives).
I’d love to hear from you! Leave me a comment and let me know which question was most insightful for you.
Wishing you blessings always!
-Alisha AE
*This post is part of my Discover Your Wealth Course, so if you like these questions and want to go deeper, consider working with me.*