I’ve been thinking, learning, and contemplating on what self-love is a lot lately, mostly because I feel the need to create a self-love workbook, but also because as I’ve noticed my own need for it, I am also seeing the need and yearning for it in others.
What I mean by that is so many of the decisions we make are based on our desire for love. We think it lies outside ourselves, and that we can get love from others or from having things. However, when others let us down, don’t fulfill expectations, or we realize we aren’t satisfied with that new thing we bought, we’re left feeling empty and unfulfilled, and wanting more.
We each define self-love for ourselves, however there are a couple of universal components: self-acceptance and self-respect.
Beginning with self-acceptance… it is defined as one’s acceptance of their attributes, positive or negative. When we reject ourselves, we can fall into depression, have anxiety, even PTSD. It also leads to low self-esteem, fear of failure, relationship issues, just to name a few of the issues. We are essentially devaluing ourselves which has an impact on every area of our lives.
Once we are able to accept ourselves we can then build on that acceptance and will begin respecting ourselves. Self-respect is a respect for oneself as a human being, and is an appreciation for who you are as a person. When we don’t respect ourselves we have a lot of the same issues mentioned above.
So, how do we begin to love ourselves???? This is the real question, right?
I believe that the way we turn self-loathing into self-acceptance, then self-respect is through small steps. There different kinds of steps to take, all of which will take you on your journey. And, remember self-love is a practice not a destination.
Over the years something I have been practicing is appreciation for myself. You can do it as a journal prompt, in front of the mirror, as part of your gratitude practice, or even as part of a meditation… appreciate something about yourself: a favorite body part, what you love about being a woman/man, something you’re a bad ass at, a quality or characteristic that makes you a good friend/ person, or whatever you feel like appreciating about yourself.
Another way to begin practicing self-love is through showing ourselves the same grace and compassion that we would someone we love. Self-love doesn’t mean we won’t make mistakes. And it doesn’t mean we will like everything about our lives. However, self-love can support us in taking responsibility when we do something we aren’t happy about so that we can more easily move forward.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much to self-love that I won’t get into here but I hope this helps you to at the very least begin to notice your own capacity for self-love because I truly believe that when we have a strong sense of self-love it’s not only good for ourself, but is good for everyone we come in contact with.