It’s so funny that as I study each sphere of my Gene Keys those shadows are showing their faces to me. When you start the Golden Path Course, Richard Rudd says that you will begin to notice how your studies start synchronizing and reflecting in your life. Because of this, I have really began contemplating on what it means to embrace your shadows and how to really do shadow work.
In the Golden Path Program, Richard Rudd says that we must allow and embrace our shadows, but in truth I didn’t really understand that concept fully until this week…
I have a full-time job in addition to my Soul Obsessed Business. I’ve been with this company for almost 5 years and I love the people I work with and really like the work I do, however I’ve been feeling like it’s time to let it go. Back in October I began looking at my finances and really looking at my options on growing my business and realized that I know for sure I could go without a job for at least 4 months. After planning it all out and really letting it sink in for myself (making sure I wasn’t in my emotional wave), I decided that for 2022 I was going to leave my job and work my business full-time. This is super scary because I actually have great benefits and pay, you know, all of that financial stability. And both my hubs and I have a deep desire to feel “secure” in that way. I let my husband know back in November of my decision and I also told him I wasn’t sure when I was going to tell my boss, but I knew it was going to be by the end of the year. I finally made the decision to tell her last week and before I did I told my husband “tomorrow is the day”.
Here is where the shadow work kicked in– He began bringing up all of these “what ifs” and “why don’t you (insert plan here) more” and I just listened for a minute then said to him “look, I understand you’re scared this isn’t going to work out, I’m scared too. I’m so scared because I don’t want to fail again and go through what we’ve been through before (I had quit my job before when I had another business in 2014/2015). But this time I’ve really planned it out and have a back up plan. Not only that but although I have all of these fears coming up, I have to do it. I’m more afraid that if I don’t do it that I will regret it forever and I don’t want that.”
In that moment I understood and KNEW what real shadow work is- it’s accepting that you feel scared, shame, guilt, or whatever feeling you usually try to hide/ push down from yourself and find the courage to allow yourself to feel it and still do what your heart is calling you to do anyway.
All of these years of “working on myself” I never really understood what shadow work really was. I thought it was something that needed to be overcome or defeated. I thought it was something that once you overcame it that it wouldn’t come up again, but that’s not true. I believe I said it in my most recent email… “hard stuff never really goes away you just learn how to better deal with it.”
That’s what shadow work is, the darkness within is not there to be defeated or overcome, it’s there to guide us and to strengthen us. Someone asked me the other day “why is it that the thing I most want to do is the hardest for me to do?” (this was because this is where most of their fears and insecurities lie, not that it’s physically hard for them).
It’s hard because when you follow your fears, instead of letting them hold you back, this is where you will find your greatest source of strength of Being in the world. This is the source of your brightest light from within.
If you find it’s hard to do, practice nurturing and caring for yourself like a mother would her child. Talk to yourself in loving ways. You may not be able to move through your shadows at first, but keep practicing, it will come in time as you build your courage muscle.
I wish you peace, courage and strength on this journey into your shadows.